Indecency in the Orchestra

Why I had to play the piano, a "danity" instrument

Little known fact: I had eight years of piano lessons. It was part of my Pastor's Wife Training. My mother said if I got really good at it, she'd buy me an accordion and I could be an evangelist's wife.

However, I never wanted to play piano. I wanted to play the cello. In 4th grade, when the orchestra teacher had us try all the instruments, he thought I'd do well with cello. I loved the low, throaty sound and the elegant shape of the instrument. I wanted to play it.

But when my mother heard, she said, “Absolutely not! You’re not spreading your legs and fiddling between them in front of God and everybody. The cello is indecent.”

I cried and begged. She called the teacher and asked if I could play it "side-saddle." He said no.

Then, inspired by Karen Carpenter of the brother and sister pop duo The Carpenters, I decided I wanted to play drums. That, too, was a non-starter. “Can you even imagine a pastor's wife playing the drums?” she sniffed. Having some self-knowledge, I couldn't even imagine being a pastor's wife. No one was less suited to be a pastor's wife than this a free-thinking, independent, sarcastic, thrill-seeking, social justice advocate Democrat. Could be why I married a sailor and never played the piano again. However, playing one song on the cellos tops my bucket list.